If you are like me, a commitment to self care is tricky territory.  I know there are certain things I need to do for myself.  Not want – but need to do.  These things are as essential to my health, physically, mentally, and emotionally as drinking enough water or getting enough sleep.  That said, I don’t drink enough water and most of the time I feel like all I want to do is nap.  So, as you might imagine some, or most, if not all of the other things on my self care check list sometimes, most of the time, or all of the time go by the way side.

Things on my list that I have promised myself everyday:
Yoga
Meditation
Beautiful music
Honest quality time with my children

Things that happen that prevent me from doing the things I need to do?
I get tired.
I get distracted – usually by doing something I dislike very much, like watching TV.
I simply get lazy.

I suppose all of it is about some kind of laziness – and what is the cost?
I lose my motivation.
My energy wanes.
My focus and attention are limited.
My general sense of well being is diminished.
My connection to my Source feel compromised.

What TV show could possibly be worth that??  Seriously – what anything could be worth that???  Putting anything else before doing those things for myself is silliness in the highest form.  Because when I’m charged up, tuned in, turned on, and tapped in, I can get more done, I’m more connected, I have laser focus, and I am blissfully happy.

So – what are four things you need to do for yourself everyday to live your best life?
Will you commit, or recommit with me to doing them for yourself???

One of the most common questions people ask about law of attraction and relationships is, “Can I use Law of Attraction on other people?” . In other words, “Can i get other people to do, feel, or think the way I want them to?”

Uh… Let me answer that one for you.  No.

The foundation of law of attraction says you can have anything you want.  That said, you cannot have anyone you want.  Very simply put, this means you cannot use your mojo to make someone fall in love with you or stay in love with you against their will.  However, you absolutely can have the relationship of your dreams – just not necessarily with the one you think you want.

But, and this is a bit BUT, you can influence anyone with your vibration.  I call this bringing your A game.  Anytime you interact with anyone, ranging from the auto mechanic to your lover, you are responsible for what kind of energy you are bringing to the interaction.  If you are dreary, negative, and agitated, you can bet people will respond to that.  If you are upbeat, confident, playful, and exciting, the odds are the same – people will respond to that to.  If you want the best, most energetically alive, and uplifting experience with people you have to make sure you’re bringing your A game to the field.

What much influence can you bring with your A game?  It can vary, however, in my experience the answer is a lot.  You have a lot more control over how things go with others then you think.  How do you play the A game?  Make sure you have your best vibe on whenever you come in contact with others .  Don’t bring your vibrational junk into your interactions.  Find as many things as possible to appreciate about the other players and really dig on those things.  Take a good deep breath and think about how things always go your way.

But here’s the big one.  Get really good and practicing and executing the “I really, really love you” vibe and start sending it out before you’re actually face to face with another. Imagine a laser beam of love from your heart right to theirs. The “I really, really, love you” vibe doesn’t have to be exclusively for lovers, friends, and family.  It can be just as wonderful for the auto mechanic, postman, and yes, my favorite, the bank teller.  The more you practice it, the more effective it becomes.  Seriously – you can be a love laser…  How cool is that???   More importantly, how much influence will that get you?  A whole bunch.  Now – I know what some might be thinking, sounds like some sort of manipulation.

I don’t think so.  I think everyone wants to be influenced by positive, upbeat, people.  Even more so, I think everyone wants to be loved on, especially vibrationally.  It’s like magic fairy dust that makes everything go more smoothly every single time.

So – Can you turn the people around you into mindless zombies doing your bidding.  Absolutely not.
Can you make all of your interactions with anyone you come in contact with a lot more magical and things go your way, way more often?  You betcha!!!

I recently had a phone call with an “expert” selling a product that “guarantees” if you follow their formula you can get your Ex back. After reading the e-version of the book I was curious what they were planning to do when their plan didn’t work – what’s in the guarantee? Are they going to refund the purchase price and your dignity too?? I certainly hope so.

I get a lot of coaching inquiries from people who want their boyfriend, lover, or husband who has left back. I always say the same thing. No you don’t and even if you do you certainly don’t want to act like it. Men leave and relationships end. Hind sight almost always reveals it was for the best. That said, for the forlorn and broken hearted that is little consolation. Desperate jilted lovers will often go to any extreme to get that man back. It almost always backfires. If not immediately, certainly sooner then eventually.

My advice? Do absolutely nothing but take uber-extreme care of yourself. Most importantly not a thing that involves him. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Joint finances like the next car payment to talk about – he can talk to the attorney.
Things at his apartment to pick up – trust me your best friend will be more then happy to do it.
Kids he wants to visit – he can meet Jr. and your mother at the door.

Now, I’m going to be honest. Statistics are not in your favor after a man ends a relationship. Few wild romances are rekindled. There is no “formula that is guaranteed” to get your Ex back. That said if it’s going to happen, it’s not because you begged, pleaded or bargained. It’s because he actually figured out he didn’t like his life without you – because he actually was without you. When you disappear without a trace, and most importantly without a fight, at the very least he’ll be confused. He expects you to fall apart and carry on, and with good reason, almost all women do.

When he drops the bomb, some version of, “It’s not you, it’s me” or “I just need a little space”, get out of dodge. Head for the hills, or the mall, or the spa, or your sisters house. Delete his phone number from your speed dial and don’t return his emails. Period.

After the first week without a trace of you, he’ll assume you are too devastated to talk. After the second week, he’ll grow a little uneasy that maybe you weren’t as into him as he thought. After the third week, he’ll wonder what kind of fabulous life you’re having without him. Key to success is, start having a fabulous life – even if you have fake it. After four weeks, get your profile up on Match.com. I can almost promise he’ll see it. More importantly so will all those other fabulous men wondering about your fabulous life.

Final word of advice. If at any point in this process he does anything less then grovel back and beg for forgiveness it’s not good enough. No just calling to catch up or “how about coffee?”. If he does grovel, think long and hard before you give up your fabulous new life to return to the old. The new you, just might not want to be that into him.

When you talk to women, (and men) about their bad relationships and why they stay, three themes tend to emerge. Three excuses that keep people trapped not just in bad relationships, but in lives they never intended to live. The problem with a bad relationship is simple. It becomes a prison. It becomes a circumstance that you can’t see past, let alone get past. It not just effects every part of your life ranging from health to finances and everything in between, but a bad relationship ultimately defines you as a person. I know this for sure. I’ve been there.

Below are the Top Three Stupid Excuses people have for staying in really bad relationships.

Myth #1
It could be worse.
Really??? Does that matter? It could be worse comes in all sorts of varieties.
At least he isn’t hitting me.
It’s not like he’s really cheating.
He’s a really good father.
If you aren’t happy what difference does it make??? Are you willing to settle for this forever – as in until the end of time??? I hope not.

Myth #2
He/She will change or I can change him/her or He/She will change for me.
Wrong.
Sure some people change sometime – but…
You certainly can’t change, fix, or improve anyone – ever. You get what you get and if it’s broken, messed up, addicted, angry, or generally sub-par that’s the way it is. Either you love someone the way there are AND you can be happy with them, or not. However, you certainly can’t bank your present or future happiness on some future miraculous change.

Myth #3
It’s best for the kids if I stay.
I don’t think so.
Divorce sucks bad for kids. Yes it leaves scars. Yes, it might even require therapy.
Here’s the real deal though – Divorce is NOTHING compared to the nightmare of living with parents at war. It’s a bit like getting a serious burn from the stove or having to live in the middle of a fire. Bad relationships are bad for everyone, especially your children.

Ann Marie was single, again. After an almost four year relationship that she thought would end in marriage, she found herself alone. At the ripe old age of 36 Ann Marie had no husband, no children, and not much hope that either would happen – ever. Ann Marie thought Todd was THE one from the very beginning. However, despite the fact that she thought they were on the marriage track, he repeatedly told her he didn’t plan on getting married. More accurately he didn’t plan on marrying her. Within three months of their break up Todd was engaged to someone else. When Ann Marie found out she was beside herself with heartbreak.

Ann Marie could hardly get up in the morning. She had a good day occasionally. However, more days then not she thought things were getting worse – not better. The old adage time heals all wounds didn’t seem to apply in her case. Four months after the break up she would still cry walking past the park where she first met Todd. Six months after the break up on the day he actually married someone else, Ann Marie locked herself in her apartment and vowed never to come out. She did of course. However, for all practical purposes heartbreak had eaten her up. Her assessment was correct, things weren’t getting better.

We have all experienced heartbreak. Most of the time, most of us get over it. However, when the pain doesn’t subside after a few weeks, maybe not disappear completely, but subside, it might be time to get help. When Ann Marie called we discussed an immediate game plan. Below are the top five extreme ways to stop heartbreak.

1. Move – that’s right – sounds like huge deal but it usually works to stop heart break in it’s tracks. I’m not suggesting moving across the country. I am suggesting moving across town. Moving accomplishes several things. Not the least of which is it forces you to either pack up or get rid of all the dead relationship mementos. Secondly, it keeps you from sulking around all your old romantic haunts, either dredging up painful memories or hoping to run into Mr. Used to Be Yours. Last but not least, it is a huge job, so it keeps you very, very busy.
2. Get a new identity. I’m not talking new name and social security number. I am talking new hair color. New cut. New cloths – and a new tribe of fun friends to hang out with. Explore as many ways as possible to become someone brand new. New church, new hobby, new job… You get the point. Immerse yourself in your new identity so completely that if you were to pass your Ex on the street he would vaguely recognize you and wonder where he knew that hot chick from.
3. Get a new man. I know it’s not typically considered sage advice. However, extreme heartbreak calls for extreme measures. If you think you could never love someone else, that’s OK. I’m not suggesting you need to find someone to love. I am suggesting you need to find someone you want. Mr. Right Now doesn’t have to be Mr. Right. He just has to be willing and willing to help you feel better. You’d be surprised how many Mr. Right Now’s there are when you look around.
4. Take up a cause. Nothing stops a pity party faster then finding someone to help who has it way, way worse then you do. There are plenty of them out there. Trust me. Homeless children, sick babies, shelter pets, and elderly shut-in’s to name just a few. There is a cause for everyone – even the heart broken, and helping others is instantly healing.
5. Travel as far away as you can possibly afford. If that’s France – fantastic. If that’s the county next to yours, go there. Get out your suitcase, pack it, and get out of dodge. Most importantly, do it ALONE. Most women are afraid to travel alone. They tell themselves it’s about safety. Really it’s about fear of being by themselves. Traveling alone is surprisingly cathartic. It also opens you up to your lost Independence and leaves you feeling much stronger then you previously thought you were. As tempting as it might be to enlist your bff for the trip of a lifetime, it’s worth the discomfort to go it alone – I promise.

Update: Nine months post break up, Ann Marie is dating a Pediatric Oncologist she met while volunteering to read books to kids with cancer in the her new neighborhood hospital. The first thing he noticed about her was her brand new striking red hair.