“The problem is my friends and family don’t like him.”  
That is how I started a recent conversation with a client.  Honestly, that is how I’ve started many conversations with clients.  Here’s the rub, that really is a problem.

Now, I am all for independence and free thinking.  I am always one to march to the beat of your own personal drummer.  However, if your friends and family don’t like your beloved, that is quite likely a serious red flag.  I know in my own personal life, I dated more then one guy who was not well liked by my loved ones.  Heck, I married one.   The reasons were varied, ranging from he’s just plain lazy to outright dangerous, but the over-riding theme was always the same.  This guy isn’t good for you and you can do better.

In the face of that, the easy answer always is, “But you don’t know him like I do.”  You are probably right on there.  They probably don’t know him like you do.  That said, they do know you.  Chances are if you are hearing voices of concern from your friends and family that they don’t like your significant other, what they are really seeing are changes in you they don’t like.

Back in the day I blatantly ignored the concerns of my friends and family as I went through a stream of failed relationships with men that ranged from plain old lazy to downright dangerous.  I didn’t even bother to justify my reasoning.  I simply ignored the concerns of the people in my life who had to be there for me time and time again to help me pick up the pieces.  As I listened to their protests, most of the time in the pit of my heart, I was cringing.  Not because I didn’t like what they had to say, but because I knew it was true.

I remember sitting around a late night fire with one of my most beloved friends the night before she got married.  She told me she was sick and tired of people telling her not to go through with it.  She felt like she was grown up enough to know what was best.  More then one of her closest friends didn’t attend in protest.  The beautiful thing about those  friends is that they were there for her during the painful separation and divorce.  She remembers that night too, and we have laughed about it several times since.  At the time she was going through it though, it was anything but funny.

I am not saying if your parents don’t like him, dump him.  I am not saying if your best friend has issues that you should end it on the spot.  I am saying that if your parents, your best friend, your sister, and your closest co-workers are saying there is an issue, there probably is an issue. When the consensus isn’t good, you might want to start asking questions and taking a look in the mirror.  The people who love you most, and know you best, shouldn’t get a vote, but they certainly should get a good hearing.

The good news is it works both ways.  When I met my husband, he was unanimously popular among my loved ones.  He still is.  David is good for me.  It was easy to see how happy we were together.  It was a relief to those around me to see me happy.  At the end of the day, that’s what those who love you want – just to see you happy.

So, let me state for the record, I do not actually believe law of attraction breaks.  I do not believe the Universe itself ever really falls out of alignment.  That said, heavens, it sure seems like it sometimes.  I know I’m not alone in this sentiment.  Just about everyone I know who follows Law of Attraction asks themselves this question from time to time.

The first week in July my beloved best friend Mozart the Pug got an oral tumor.  After a surgery, biopsy, a lot of upset and trauma, we got the not so good news that this thing in his mouth, we occasionally refer to as Ted, is a malignant melanoma.  The report was this is supposedly the worst imaginable kind of cancer.   After having the tumor removed – it’s grown back.  My current daily schedule involves a whole lot of dosing my poor puppy with endless doses of alternative medicine remedies and supplements on a fairly strict schedule.   We are currently scheduled for another surgery in a couple of days.

My oldest son moved to Portland this Summer.  It’s only two hours away, but I miss him terribly.  He was home yesterday and needed to go pick up his car which had broken down.  He asked me to take the hour drive with him.  As much as I miss him and want to spend time with him, I told him I couldn’t.   I didn’t want to leave Mozart.  I mean, there’s medicine to be given, and schedules to follow, and I need to be staring at him constantly because my staring at him is surely keeping him alive…

Really?

I ask myself all the time, how the hell did I attract this?  What  was I “vibing” that brought on malignant melanoma???   What did I do to deserve this?  Nothing!!!  Surely I’ve always had a very clear vision that Mozart will live until I’m 50.  We had an agreement in my head that I imagined he signed on to.  I’m far from 50.  What gives? THE UNIVERSE IS BROKEN!!!

Well, probably not.  Ok – certainly not.

So, what is a girl, (or a guy) do when it feels like the Universe is broken???  Simple.
Have fun anyway.  So, as I gave myself that little pep talk today about having fun anyway, I must admit, I can’t really think of anything that sounds like fun.  I mean, I have to stare at Mozart.  I have even enlisted my dear friend Jeanette to stare at him with me.  If I was out having fun she’ be staring at him alone.  That actually happened one night and he had a seizure while she was on staring duty alone and I was at dinner. Can’t have that happen again!

Or maybe I could lighten up just a bit, take a deep breath.  Maybe I could have a couple of drinks while I stare at Mozart.  Maybe I could also put on some Bob Marley to stare at him with.  Maybe I could do fun things, even if it sucks.  Maybe I could pretend to be having fun until relief sets in.

Alrighty.  Mozart has surgery on Friday.  Party at my house all day long!

Bottom line, when everything is out of whack, have fun anyway.  The Universe always conspires on my behalf, always, every single time.  While it’s doing it’s work, may as well get my party groove on, (or bubble bath groove).  I have a feeling Mozart will be relieved if I was distracted with something fabulously fun long enough to forget some of his medicine and stop staring at him.  Universe might be happy to see me get out of the way too.

I like to think I am capable of dealing with most things.  I have resource file three inches thick.  I have the personal cell phone numbers of people ranging from politicians to entertainers.  I know an expert in just about any field.  I also think generally speaking, I am pretty emotionally stable and can weather whatever comes my way, with one exception.

I have no coping mechanism for dealing with the illness, injury, or suffering of my beloved best friend Mozart the Pug.  When I say no coping mechanism, I mean NONE.  I came face to face with that glaring deficiency in my ability to function this week, as Mozart is sick and I am seriously unable to function well, or at all, in my world.

Last night I was laying in bed, trying desperately to hold back the tears and I said to my husband, “I don’t know where my coping mechanisms have gone.”  
David sweetly stroked my hair and replied, “Your coping mechanism is laying right beside you right now.”   That said, he was right.  David is the only part of me that is functioning well this week.  He is my brain, my banker, my common sense, and my comfort.  He is my rock.  To put it lightly, David is pulling way more then his share of the weight in our relationship this week.  To be honest, he’s pulled more then his share many times before.  I like to think occasionally I do the same for him.

The notion that relationships are 50/50 is complete crap.  This week in my relationship David is doing 110% and I am at way less then 0.  Hopefully I rebound a little in the next few days.  If I don’t, it’ll be OK, because eventually I will.  The best I can really hope for is that over the course of time things balance out.  Anyone who’s been in relationship for any length of time knows this.  

My brilliant husband said to me very early on in our relationship that love is a verb.  It’s in the doing.  He proves that to me over and over again.  Sometimes the doing isn’t easy, but it still comes naturally through love.  So, I guess the moral of the story is simple.  If you are in relationship, and you plan to keep that going, plan to do all the work sometimes, 100% of it.  But the beauty of that is when the day comes that all your coping mechanisms fail, if you are loved well, know that chances are very high, your coping mechanism might be standing, or laying right next you to.

There are a lot of varying view points out there about affirmations.  Do they work?  Are they a waste?  Do they possibly even make things worse?  Honestly, I think they work if you think they will.  However a lot of people don’t.  That said, I am a big fan of “I am” affirmations.  

An “I am” statement used as an affirmation is very simple.  The subconscious is trained to respond to the words I am.  We think them all the time.  Those words form the very construct of our self identity.  I am fat.  I am lovable.  I am successful.  I am lonely.  Each of those statements are very powerful and absolute.  We are what we think we are.  The minute an “I am” statement is activated, it becomes the truth, at least inside, and most likely outside also.

So, how do you use “I am” affirmations to attract the relationship of your dreams?

1. Pick the top four qualities you want in a mate.
2. Then use “I am” affirmations to activate those vibrations in you.

Want a mate that has money?  How about Using the affirmation, “I am very successful”?   When you begin to see yourself as a success you will attract from that place and be much more likely to attract a successful partner.  

Want a mate that is spiritual?  Try the “I am” affirmation “I am at one with The Divine and living in peace”.  It’s pretty easy to see what type of mate you’d attract from that place.

Bottom line, whatever you are wanting to attract in another has to be active in your vibration first.  So, using any tool to create that in yourself first is the first step to the last first date and the road to happily ever after.   I am affirmations are easy, free, and at your disposal at any time.  So — the question of the day is, who are you???

Simple concept.  If you aren’t giving from a surplus, it’s not giving.  It’s sacrificing.  A sacrifice has a very different energy.  It’s tight, constricted, and anxious.  It may be done in love, but it’s sacrifice just the same.  

For women in relationships of any sort, the concepts around gifts vs. sacrifice can be muddy at best.  We want to share and freely give with those we love.   When we are not full up ourselves, our lovers, our children, our friends who are the objects or our affection, feel the strain of our attention.  There is an energy in our “giving” that feels strained and flat.

We’ve all been there, tired, depleted, and hungry for something.   It’s desperate and lonely.  Sometimes driven by that very desperation and loneliness we continue to pour ourselves out for or at the ones we love and care for.   Maybe we are hoping they will give something back, in a quiet attempt not to be depleted anymore.  

That said, it doesn’t work.  

Giving from surplus however, is a completely different animal.  When we give from a surplus of energy, love, money, time, or whatever, the receiver feels blessed, not obligated.  They feel the warmth of our attention vs. the cold of our depletion.  It might be subtle, but it’s profound, and over the course of time that energy becomes even more powerful.  Sometimes sacrifice is necessary, but if it’s not absolutely necessary it isn’t appropriate.  

Bottom line, we cannot freely give when we can’t provide it for ourselves, whatever it is.  So, for all of us wanting to be truly gracious, genuinely loving, and generous, we must first extend that courtesy to ourselves.