It’s Not My Problem

Yesterday a very close loved one, who doesn’t like me to write about him for public consumption, (so he shall remain nameless), had a crisis.  This is the kind of crisis that breeds drama – and drama is seductive.  When someone close to us has a problem, or is hurting, or is unhappy, it can be devastating.  It’s easy to jump on that bandwagon, feel bad for them, worry, agonize with and for them, and generally get caught up in the energy of crisis – somebody else’s crisis, making it our own.  The closer the person is, the easier it is to own their story.

As for me, I can generate enough drama of my own that one would think I wouldn’t need to borrow from others.  However, it’s a hard habit to break.  I used to be the queen of, “If you’re hurting, I’m hurting too.”  I used to think that was being a good friend, mother, sister, or wife.  I used to think that my ability to empathize made me a more valuable person.  I use to be the go to person for lot’s of people who needed someone to commiserate with.

Note – I said, used to be.  I know now that the best gift I can give those I love is the very powerful energy of, “everything is just fine – right now” no matter how bad they think it is or how bad things look, even to me.  The best way I can be the best friend, mother, sister, or wife is to see my loved one as perfect, well, whole, and thriving, even when they don’t see that.  Most importantly, the best gift I can give myself is not picking up trouble that’s not mine.  I don’t need other people’s problems, and other people don’t need the additional energy of my worry or sorrow compounding their issues.

One might think that’s cold or unrealistic.  One might think that’s not being compassionate.  I believe the only thing I really have to offer anyone who’s struggling is my best, most shiny, most uplifting vibe.  Most of the time, they don’t want or need my advice.  They also don’t need my sympathy or compassion, because those vibes aren’t uplifting or empowering.  What they need is for me to see them as perfect as they are and to hold a space where all is unfolding perfectly.  These days, I expect those closest to me to do the same for me.

Is it easy?  No – especially when the unhappiness is coming from someone really close.  However, it’s worth it.  So, yesterday when the stuff hit the fan close to home, I made a solemn promise that I would not let it become my problem.  That promise became the mantra of the day.  I kept that mantra running.  “This is not my problem.”  It was a lot more fun for me to exercise my imagination thinking about all the ways things could turn out wonderfully, then it was to to get caught up in worry.

Has the issue at hand magically dissolved?  Not quite yet.  But the outlook is certainly better today then it was yesterday. Everything is unfolding perfectly.  Did I lose sleep last night?  Not a wink.  Why?  It’s not my problem.  Everything is just fine in my world – always.