“All men cheat.” She said flatly. “So, why bother.”
She certainly had evidence in her life that was true. Honestly, there was a time in my life when I had plenty of that kind of evidence also. I saw it everywhere I looked, my life, the lives of my friends. It’s not much different then any other blanket statement like, “All women ever want is my money” or “Things never work out for me”.

Those kind of words absolutes lock you in and tie you down into a reality that probably doesn’t best serve. Those kind of thoughts have a tremendous amount of power, but not the kind we want. They prevent possibilities from emerging. There is no creative potential there. Just the feeling of saying them can invoke hopelessness. Trust me, I get it. There are men who cheat. There are women who lie. There are marriages that fail. All of those things are true for some people some of the time. But and this is a big BUT, they don’t have to be true. Because there are a lot of men who don’t cheat. Most women don’t lie. Many, many marriages run full gear for the long haul.

Even when there is evidence to support your current view there are other possibilities. There is a lot of possibility in the word some. Yes, some men cheat, but some don’t. Some marriages fail, but some don’t. You get the picture. That’s the thing about our universe, there is “some” of just about everything. It’s like a cafeteria. You get to chose. I want some of that, and that, and that. You get to pick some of whatever you want. So, why would you chose to focus your attention on some of something you don’t want? Makes no sense at all when you think about it.

I did an official twitter survey of married women.  I asked the question, “What are you’re top three priorities?”  Out of the 189 women how replied, 137 listed their top priority as their children.  Not too surprising.  What did surprise me?  11 of them listed their marriage or their husband in the #1 spot.  Only 47 listed marriage or their husband on the list at all.

Hum…

Attention and presence are required for anything to work on the long haul, a friendship, a job, or a marriage.  With such a low percentage even listing their marriage as a priority I am not shocked there seems to be a very high degree of relationship dissatisfaction on the horizon.  Life takes over.  I get that.  However, your romantic relationship, especially a marriage or marriage equivalent, is like the glue that holds all the pieces in your life together.

Want to be a better parent? Make sure your children live in a loving, supportive home with two happy, in love, contented parents.
Want more job satisfaction and better on the job performance? Studies have shown that happily married people make stronger employees with less sick time and higher productivity.
Want to have improved health and living longer? Get a dog, and you guessed it – be happily married.

I think you get the picture.  A happy, loving, passionate, nurturing relationship is a fertile place for other high quality of life things to grow – and to be healthy your relationship needs attention – and like most things in life that need attention, if they aren’t a priority they don’t get it.  The investment of attention, time, energy and presence, in your marriage is worth it, because it pays dividends in almost all areas of your life.

How do you make your relationship a top of the list priority when so many other things demand your time and attention?
You just do it.  You make a choice to invest in your partnership, you commit to that choice, and you just do it.  Talk with your partner about your new commitment and get feed back on what that change in priority might look like for both of you.

Ask anyone who’s gone through a divorce – the cost of that is almost immeasurable.  Bad news is this, if your relationship or marriage isn’t on your top three priorities list, you are headed off the path of marital bliss quickly.  The good news is you can get back on track at a moments notice.  I suggest you make that moment this one.

My husband and I were talking last night about one of our favorite evening topics – us and how fabulously happy we are.  I know, it’s probably boring to other people, but we make a habit of this particular conversation. Why??  Well to people who practice law of attraction, that should be obvious.  It focuses our attention on what’s working in our lives.  By thinking about being happy together, talking about being happy together, celebrating being happy together, we are sending out a very healthy happy together vibration and get a lot more happiness together back in return.  This is more then just a “what I appreciate about you” conversation.  This is a serious gloating, “Aren’t we the most lucky people in the world to have this magical relationship?” celebration conversation.

And here’s the breaking newsflash… Dude – seriously – we are!  We have one of the coolest relationships out there.

Now I can here some people saying, what might seem obvious, “Sure Lisa, brag it up about that great guy and wonderful marriage – it’s easy when you’ve got a great guy and wonderful marriage.  Not to easy when things aren’t that fabulous and life’s not feeling like such a paradise.”  Maybe – maybe not.  Griping and complaining are easy to do, and honestly sometimes it feels good or even necessary to let off a little steam. However, habitually complaining about anything creates an energetic situation that isn’t likely to produce happy results.  Here’s the honest truth.  Talking about how rockin’ something or someone is – is more fun.  It really is.  More importantly, luckily, it is a much more powerful vibe.  The Universe really likes the good stuff, picks up on that order stat, and starts showing you evidence really quickly.

When my husband and I are talking about super fabulous love, and wonderful amazing life, we aren’t spinning a fantasy tale.  It’s all true. He is my love of many lifetimes.  He’s everything I ever dreamed up and much, much more.  We have the kind of life together many people would envy – and we celebrate on it, brag about it, and revel in it all the time.  I suspect we are a little sickening to be around at times.  We committed to each other at the beginning our our relationship to only look for the best in each other.  That is quite possibly the most precious of all the things I promised him when we got married.  I know he sees the best in me, even when I’ve lost sight of it.

I believe there is a secret to a happy marriage.  It’s easy.  Find the magic, celebrate it like a six year old on Christmas everyday.  Look for the party and show up for each other.  Be that couple that makes other people roll their eyes and wish you’d get a room. If you aren’t living the fantasy quite yet, pretend you are and party on.  And – and this is maybe most important as if your life depends on it, look for the very best in him – because your life may not depend on it, but your love certainly does.

When a man says he needs space in a relationship, more then likely the real news is even worse then that. When a man says he needs space, at best he is beginning to have second thoughts about the relationship, worst case, he is already thinking about a break up. Now this obviously doesn’t apply in every case. How do you know if it’s a real situation or impending doom? If he says something specific like, “My boss has me working on this crazy project. I am really stressed about the deadlines right now. For the next three weeks or so I am going to need to focus on my job more then anything else. I might not be available as much.” That means, just that. There’s a deadline, he’s stressed and busy and he doesn’t want you to freak out. If he says something like, “I am feeling a little overwhelmed right now. I really like you, but I need some space for awhile.” That means, he’s either just not that into you, or he’s thinking he might be into someone else.

So, what do you do if you get the “I just need space” talk? I’ll tell you what not to do.

1. Do not ask why.
2. Do not get upset, (in front of him anyway).
3. Do not argue, plead, or get accusatory.

If you like this guy, and want to preserve any hope of showing him you’re the best thing going for him right now below are four things TO DO.

1. Say something like, “You know, you’re right. I’ve been thinking we were getting a little too serious too fast also.
2. End the conversation as quickly and politely as possible.
3. Do not call, text, IM, email or send smoke signals.
4. IF he calls, and IF he wants to see you, say something like, “I’ve already got plans Friday. I’d love to see you. How about next Saturday afternoon.”

I know. I can hear it already. You might think it’s game playing, and maybe it is. That said, the rule of thumb is this. If a man asks for space, give him way more space then he’s asking for.

What to do during the waiting game??? Do not waste your energy pining over this man. Seriously. It’s a bad energetic investment and a waste of calories. Focus on your fabulous life. If it’s not feeling all the fabulous right now, focus on getting to fabulous at warp speed. Ideally, when he calls, you will have plans on Friday, Saturday, and even Sunday. The way you spend your energy is an investment, so spend it wisely – on you, and only you.

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of questions about “how to get over him”.  Breaking up is hard to do.  It doesn’t matter who does the breaking up, at the end of the day, and the end of the relationship there is usually a lot of hurting.  Getting over him can seem like a full time job, that goes on and one.  People have a lot of well intended interesting techniques for getting over someone.  There is cutting energetic cords, EFT, journal writing about all the sorrow, voodoo (always one of my personal favorites), and countless other methods for forgetting.  All of those things may work sometimes, for some things, but when no magic method is taking the sting off, what’s a girl to do???

First of all, my advice is stop trying to avoid the hurt.  Serious sorrow can’t be avoided.  It’s can’t be measured out in small convenient doses.  All the avoiding the pain really only makes it last longer.  Facing feelings that are real – and really getting into them is the shortest path to peace.  I know it’s uncomfortable.  It’s never a good time.  However, if you’re in it, it absolutely is the right time to feel everything your feeling, deeply and intensely.  That which you resist persists.  So, stop resisting.  Not to mention, there is great, profound beauty in sadness.  Lives change and miracles emerge.

Secondly, stop trying to do anything to get over him. If you are trying to cut the energetic cords with him, your focus is on him.  If you are doing EFT about your feelings for him, your focus is on him.  If you are putting a Voodoo curse on his new girlfriend, your focus is on, you guessed it, him, and her…  The key to getting over him is not thinking about him.  Your energy is better spent learning to knit.  Seriously.  Your energy is better spent on yoga, or hiking, or contemplating your beautiful complexion.  Bottom line, you won’t turn the corner until your focus is squarely where it should have been all along, on you.

I know it sounds hard core, but it’s a hard lesson to learn.  Heart break changes things forever, usually for the better.  You get to decide how to manage it.  You get to decide how to face the demons.  You get to decide if you want to look for the beauty or hide in the shadows.  At the end of the day, or the end of a relationship though, all you have is you.  You are the only thing that is any of your business.  Get back to the business of you.